Bran in Real Life

There's just no easy way. There is no "easy" way to be fit, be skinny, be happy, or all of the above. Gah.

Lately my emotional stability has been all over the place. It all started with a bad day at work, well, a terrible day, because some dumb girl straight up asked me to my freaking face if I had gained weight!!!! 

WTF!?

When I told her that yes, yes I have put on a little weight her reply was, "I thought you looked chubby. Chubby like baby Liza".  

So many things raced across my mind. Like please don't cry. Like go ahead and cry and make her feel bad. Like correct her for her "cultural mishap".  Like tell her to eff-off and run into a wall. But all I did was sit and take it, like a small person with No backbone, I just let someone belittle me and crush my spirit. Just thinking about it makes me cry. It began a spiraling effect that hasn't stopped and maybe will, maybe won't. But I do know a few things. 

I will someday be skinny again. 

I will someday find pleasure in the things that seem daunting to me right now. 

I will someday not be haunted by my weight and self image issues. 

So for now, I'll just talk about things that have made me happy during this weird up/down time I've had lately. 

-Seeing Baby Holland and watching all three girls play together. 

-Going to the airshow with the girls and watching Charley's face light up with joy at the airplanes!!!

-These two best friends who can just sit and talk :)

- Makinf "tooters" (tutus) for the girls. Liza modeling hers below: 

-A birthday celebration with some of our dearest friends. 

- This silly girl and her adorable outfit! 

- This precious baby! 

Writing and blogging is so good for my soul. It let's me moan and groan about the things I want to change and the down parts of my illness, but also shows me the good in my life too. I love to come back to these pages and think about how far I've come or how much more I need to grow. It's just a good place for me. I hope you enjoy it too, especially since it's been all over the place lately. The thing is, we all have our issues. We all have things that get us down and make us want to be better. Hopefully you can find some comfort and solace in this place in knowing that we aren't alone and have each other, our loved ones, and a big God. 

Me Lately: Bran in Real Life

Life has been so fast and slow and crazy all at once here lately. With our new, fairly consistent schedule, the mundane routine sometimes wears me plum out. Our weeks are work three days a week for mommy, school two days a week for Charley, Meemaw three days a week for Liza, work five days a week for daddy, a house "cleaning" day (and I say "cleaning" because these days that consists of the continuous, never ending task of picking up toys that will just end up disheveled and unorganized, laundry that never finds it's way all the way home, and a sweep-vacuum-quick mop job "clean".), several laundry days, and two weekend days. Something is missig from this equation: a mommy day! Haha! 

In all honesty though, I'm beat. With Liza running around the house on all fours, pulling up, and in dire need of a thick, ultra heavy duty helmet and face mask, the day to day of being mom to these kids is wearing me down. Is that bad to say out loud? Or in a very public place? 

Don't get me wrong. I adore my girls. Love them to death! And wouldn't trade this crazy life for anything, but friends, do you get bogged down and tired too? Please tell me I'm not alone here. 

As I type this I'm having the first real "break" in several days: I'm rocking a sick baby who has refused to sleep at all today. At. All. As in, no naps. None! Aye, aye, aye! I'm so sorry Meemaw! I'm pretty sure she is exhausted too! (Really thinking baby Liza has another ear infection :( But this is actually a nice treat. Just sitting with nothing to do or no task on my mind. I've been very OCD lately with my tasks, wanting to pick up this, organize that, finish this project, start another one...and so on. I think that's why I'm feeling overwhelmed by the kids too; I just can't seem to get it all done. 

But as I sit here I've had the great pleasure to catch up on some super mommy blogs I frequent. From ladies I call friends, which is even better :). I really learn so much from these moms and their gifts of compassion, kindness, and Grace. When I feel like my life is a total mess with a toddler and a baby, it's reassuring to know that 1) I'm not the only mom feeling this way, and 2) that I have great friends and family that support us. Not to mention my sister who always calls when the crazy breaks out. Sorry, Step Step. 

I realize this post has been all over the place, but that's just me :) 

I hope you find something that encourages you and that you can plan a date night. They are oh so important! 

Sleeping beauty!

A park day! 

These girls are lots of work, but worth it all!!!!!! 

I need a beach getaway. Or any getaway! Ha! 

Real Life

It's time to get real. Learning of the passing of Robin Williams brings to surface an array of emotions for me, particularly because I can relate. 

Read that. I can relate. 

The past few months has rocked my world in an unreal way. I've been on the mental roller coaster of my life, some days not knowing which way is up. I'm not sure of the why, but I can tell you about how I've made it day to day with increasing anxiety and somedays almost debilitating depression. 

1) Family support. Top billing for my list of family support hands down goes to my Jojo, who daily (often multiple times) checks in to see how I'm feeling, holds me when I want to cry or just need a hug, maintains the household on those down days, and is incredibly supportive and reassuring of treatment plans.

Working side by side with my mom three days a week has also been a huge blessing in this season of my life because she is able to keep a close (we share the same office!) eye on my mood and offer help (even though I often deny I need it) along the way. A simple, "want to talk", and the new meaning of a mental health day has been immeasurable. 

In addition, sisterella Steph lets me text-vent at all hours, reminds me that this is an illness, not a plague, and is my through and through best friend. 

Mental illness and health is not a joke. You absolutely 100% need your family by your side. My in laws are spectacular at loving my family and myself when we need it most. 

2) Therapy. I overheard someone recently talk about a couple attending therapy as something negative. Since when did wanting to better yourself or foster your relationships become something bad? I see a counselor every two weeks on a fairly regular basis. Having someone neutral in my life to talk about ooey-gooey feelings and just life in general is a great first step at seeking help when facing mental health. 

3) Medical Treatment. Ugh, this was a HUGE step for me as I put a negative connotation on the word psychiatrist. I thought only people with major mental illnesses saw psychiatrists. People who had hallucinations or people with Debbie and Franco as alter egos or people who put puppies in the freezer. Not people like me. Turns out though, people with moderate to severe anxiety and people who want to sleep all the time are also good candidates for psychiatry. And while I bawled in my doctors office when he handed me my prescription for mood stabilizing drugs, I have come to understand and realize that taking drugs for depression and anxiety is no different than taking insulin for diabetes if deemed necessary by a medical professional. 

I say all of this not to draw attention to my own health and situation, but to raise awareness on the topic of mental health. It's not a plague. It's a disease. It's rather treatable. It's a pain in the ass and I ask myself almost daily, "why can't I just be normal". But it's a part of me and in a way it makes me stronger. 

(Photo credits from healthline.com)

One of my friends on FB posted this and I can't agree more! It's a shame that we do place a stigma on mental health and so many people go untreated because of the fear of judgement or jokes made on their behalf. 

It's time to get real. It's time to love hard. It's time to ask questions to our friends and family and seriously and intently listen to their needs. Let's be brave and tell our stories for we don't know who we might touch. Let's hug our loved ones and encourage strangers. Let's pray for all. 

Mental health doesn't discriminate. You are special. You are important. You are needed and loved. 

xoxo

Bran in Real Life

Frustrated. Ugh. That doesn't even begin to tell you what I am at this point. I get it. Kids get sick. Germs are shared. But dammit, y'all, on our vacation!? The time I was so looking forward to so I could hold my first niece ever and fluff her hair!? 

Liza is on day two of being miserable. If you've ever met Liza then you know how easy going and happy she always is. I've heard her cry more the last day and a half than I have in her whole life. Not even exaggerating. It breaks my heart to see this kid not smile. :(

This morning Charley woke up her usual bubbly self and went exploring outside our rental house with daddy. We met Uncle J for breakfast and Charley was so not herself. Nothing to eat or drink and she only wanted to sit with Meemaw. That's when we realized she is starting to run fever too. :(

Dammit. 

This is real life. Sometimes it sucks. I guess I need to put my chin up and be thankful its nothing too serious and just get these kids healthy so we can go to the beach and explore California. 

Bran in Real Life: Spanx Hack

Today I had a baby shower to go to and I immediately knew which dress I wanted to wear! It's a long maxi with a huge chevron stripe...super summery and comfy. 

The only problem was the back of the dress. It's a jersey cotton and clings to all the curves (and divets) and without some Spanx (the long thigh kind) it would be a crying shame to share that much of my ass with strangers. 

The shower was early in the day AND I still needed to get the gift. I knew there would be no time for a Target or Dillards run, so I brainstormed what would work in my closet.

The solution? A pair of tight pantyhose cut off just above the knee. It worked perfectly! They were tight enough to smooth out those cellulite dimples and tall enough to pull up just below my boobs to work double duty and smooth my stomach down too! Win win! 

Bran in Real Life

I have this theory that in the world of blogdom we all put sugar coatings on our lives and sometimes (ummmm, me included! Oh yes, soooo included!) put the most positive, optimistic spin on whatever it is we are writing about. With good reason, too, because no one really wants to read a blog about spousal arguments, being constipated, or big life issues because those are uncomfortable, socially unacceptable, and sometimes awkward topics. 

So I've decided to show a little of the real me. Not the Insta pics of my gorgeous daughters doing a million cute things at once. Not the beautiful before and after pics of some craft or project. Not the look-at-how-much-fun-we-always-have posts. Not that those are bad. I love that stuff! That stuff is what I'm made of! But I'm human and I'm also made of guilt, shame, less-thans, neediness, idleness, and so many other flawed characteristics. It's who I am.  Not perfect. Not by a long shot. But just me. 

So here's my new thread, "Bran in Real Life" (get it? Like the movie "Dan in Real Life"...but Bran ;)

Selfie doin what I do best (and most it feels like)...rocking the baby to sleep. 

Bran in Real Life Post Número Uno:

The forgotten room...

After cleaning and laundry and the what nots of a housewife, there is always a forgotten room. Well for me there is. This room is always my bedroom. Because I think, "we will just close that door". If I can't see the mess it doesn't bother me. 

Whelp...

Damn, y'all. It's just gross. I've got maternity clothes boxed up (for about a week now), threeish weeks worth of clean laundry all over the place (how do we even find clean underwear!?), and hangers strewn about from that one day I tried to "clean the closet". Bahahaha. I currently think the only reason we have a chair in our room is not for sitting, but for keeping clean laundry off the floor. That sweet baby cradle has never been used by my kids. Well, maybe once by Charley but for some reason they both hate it. So I throw crap in it. Last night I knocked over my bedside lamp. I scooted my pillow right into it and it went crashing down. Yaaaa, that's still on the floor. I only make the bed if company is coming over and if I know you really well then you don't even get a made bed. Sorry. 

And that's my real life, friends. 

PS: this thread was inspired by my gal pal, Sarah, and her series entitled, "I'm Just Sayin'" over at http://www.beautifulmessandblessed.blogspot.com

Gosh, I'm such a copycat. Kind of ;)

Weekending

The weekend actually started for me and the girlies on Friday as we met up with some sweet dear friends for a swim date! Charley had SO much fun and Liza was a happy camper too. Considering we had three two year olds and a six month old baby, they did excellent!!! They all played well together and the only major meltdown came from my child as she threw a fit because we had to get out of the pool to get ready to go home. Ha! It was so fun to have mommy time too and talk a little bit about grown up stuff ;) (even if it was repeatedly interrupted with squeals of laughter, various calls for mommy, or the impeccably timed potty breaks ;)

Baby Liza is a fan of the water! She floated around quite contently and all the kids enjoyed her float while she wasn't using it! 

Goodness gracious! These kids are seriously soooo sweet!

Everyone has their "sungwasses" :)

"It's wocked"... 

Just a mid-swim snooze. Lucky baby ;)

Thank you again Mrs. Sarah and Ami for letting us swim! 

Saturday was my 29th birthday! I'm not sure if any of you watch the show, "New Girl", but the character Jess always goes to the movies by herself every birthday. She does it because she's very much of a fantastical/gypsy personality and she always has super high expectations that she knows people will not meet. So she goes to the movies and just enjoys her day spent by herself. Well, friends, I should have maybe adopted Jess' attitude and not always think I'm a princess and deserve a big shebang every single birthday. Actually, after my day Saturday, Joseph told me he has very low expectations for his bday since it's a lot harder to get things done (that you actually want to do) when you have kids and responsibility! Haha! 

All that being said, it was in no way a terrible day. It was just another day. We had breakfast at Loris (only one potty break!), came home and built Charley a sheet tent in the living room (she was uncharacteristically whiney so we needed to bring out the big guns for something new and exciting for her), watched the X games on the tele, and I got a pedi with my mom. After I got home Joseph was a bit perturbed that both girls wouldn't nap at the same time for him to nap, so I took the girls into our room and watched Frozen (for the zillionth time!) while he snoozed. Was I jealous that he got a nap and I didn't and it was my birthday? Ohhhh you betcha. Bratty Beeotch Brandi kicked in and threw a bit of a pity party for myself. In hindsight it was so unnecessary and super bratty, but while I later napped with Liza in her glider (my neck still has a little crick) Joseph and Charley went and got me my favorite little bouquet of flowers and some candles. Then Jojo picked up our favorite takeout food (Basin Burger!!) and put a candle in my burger :) 

It was super sweet and I was super stubborn and sassy. Not cool. My friend posted this link to FB recently and it's a great reminder that even though I can't go do what I want to do when I want to do it (even if it is my birthday) that at least I can share my day and life with these goofballs! 

http://www.ignitumtoday.com/2014/06/05/kids-ruin-life-draft/

This is the tent. Or as Char calls it, "Charweys Cwubhouse". 

Sunday we all spent the day at the house and did house work. Jojo mowed. I painted the front door! I've always wanted a red front door and with my absolute favorite paint EVER, it became a reality!!! 

This paint: Annie Sloan Chalk Paint. Google it now. Go ahead. I'll wait ;)

It might not look so glamorous, but I adore it because it makes like super simple. No sanding, priming, or prep. Just plop your paint on. The red was a bit tricky. 

This was our very bla front door. 

One coat of paint...I was totally freaking right about now. The paint can be thinned by adding water or thickened just by leaving it open for a few minutes and it usually dries very fast and even. This is not even. 

Two coats...

And finally four coats of paint and one coat of wax later! 

I ordered a door knocker and new hardware to get rid of that ugly brass and we hope to install a new screen door this weekend. It was a fun day project for me and I've told Joseph I would be a perfectly happy lady if I had every color of ASCP there was ever made :) 

Aaaannd, speaking of weekends...I am happy to announce that Joseph earned himself a promotion at work that will allow him to work a normal work schedule! He will be home with his girls every weekend (except maybe every 13th weekend) AND get off on holidays! He hasn't had a holiday off since he has worked for this company so this is a true blessing to our family! 

I'm so proud of the hubster! 

Hope y'all had an exceptional weekend!