What a long time it's been? As you can see by my past blogging threads, I tend to drop out of blog world for months on end only to be brought back to life by something inspiring. And this time, it comes in the shape of a pumpkin.
And so it begins...
About two weeks ago I was walking our dogs and admiring our neighborhood. The quaint little loft-style apartments that we live in (see above) are above a row of businesses: an insurance agency, a pharmacy, an old style soda fountain...quaint is really the perfect word for it. The beginning signs of fall were here. The leaves were finally changing colors and falling, and the wind had a slight chill from the latest cold front. And I'm singing that song "H-A-double L-O-W-double E-N, spells Halloween". Then you turned the corner and see the grafiti still underneath a layer of paint our landlords tried to cover. And it got me thinking, why, in such a sweet little neighborhood, are kids so bored as to do this? And my love of Halloween was gushing through, and I developed an idea.
As you all well know, my ideas rarely dissipate into anything more than that; an idea. But I was longing to host a Halloween event for the neighborhood kids to come carve pumpkins in one of the vacant businesses below us. I was excited about the possibilities...the decorating, having age appropriate crafts for all, Halloween music. And yet, still giving back to the community.
But, I'm lazy and so I dropped the idea.
Then we met for small group last night. We were told that we are doing something different this time and that there wasn't any preparation required-to just show up with pen and paper (usually we read a book before and then discuss). We did a series of activities that work hand in hand. First you do "Lifestorming" and for ten minutes just write a list of all the things in the world that make you feel happy, excited, or that you desire to do. No limitations. So if you really want to buy the world a Coke, we wrote it.
Then you do "Heartstorming" for ten minutes. This is the opposite. Write a list of all the things in the world that break your heart, make you sad, or just really piss you off. Things like stupid poverty, child abuse... Next you prioritize your list from 1-10 on both sets, then compare. The idea is that our hearts break for the same reasons we are elated. We love them. On my Lifestorming list there was a common theme of family, having kids, and children. And on my Heartstorming list the common theme was injustice towards children.
And so as a group we brainstormed ideas for me to step out of my comfort zone and do something that would incorporate both lists. The goal of the activity is to partner with God uninhibited by resources and to act on faith. The group will keep me accountible for following through on next steps. We came up with a plethora of ideas, but the one that I'm acting on first is....................................
organizing a pumpkin-carving party for my neighborhood. First steps: contact my property manager to see if we can use the space.
To most, this phone call might not seem like a big deal at all. But I was terrified! I kept thinking thoughts like "what kind of person wants to host a pumpkin carving night for kids she doesn't even know-must be a perv". Plus I was terrified that if she actually said yes, I might have to follow-through with one of my crazy ideas.
All day long I struggled with making the simple phone call. I fought and avoided God. I thought it would be so much easier if she would just say no, then I could go back and tell my group "whelp, sorry guys, we can't do it" and it would be an easy out.
But I knew that God was asking me to take this step. He wanted me to trust Him on this. He planted that desire in my heart for a reason, and if only to show me that I can do it, then that's ok. Because like a true procrastinating champ, I called at the last minute, right before Chris, the property manager was going to leave her office, and I asked her. And she said yes!
So now begins the process of taking next steps. And don't get me wrong, I'm freaking scared! What if we get pumpkins donated and no kids show up at all? What if we don't have enough adult help? What if a child cuts off their thumb while carving? What if? What if? What if? But I really must sit back and just relax. Because if God wants this little shebang to go down, he'll provide everything we need along the way. I just need to continue to take small steps out of my comfort bubble and walk into the life of faith that He has been waiting for me to find for a long, long time.
And so I'm walking...
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