"I want you both to know we are at grandma's she asked us all to come and said it's time so we r just waiting. I know I should of called but didn't want to wake u if u were asleep. I love both of u so much "
Wow. What a way to wake up...
But I immediately knew where I wanted to be. I called Jojo and Val and made arrangements for the girls and got to Grandma Ruby's house as soon as I could.
Grandma Ruby has smoked cigarettes since she was 16ish years old. Other than that, she has taken impeccable care of herself, not going to the doctor but only to deliver babies...seven babies at that! She has never taken medication of any kind, and in the worst of medical situations, she has made due with home remedies or children's aspirin or half doses of medication.
When she was "officially" diagnosed with cancer it was as a malignant tumor in her rectum. And by this point in her eighty-two wonderful years of life, it had spread. Grandma wanted Hospice to come in, something I honestly never thought she would allow happen.
She, very true to her fashion, has been quite stubborn and matter of fact about her treatment. She will happily tell you that it will be her way and no other way :).
Gosh I love this woman.
^^^ a plate in Grandma's house that describes her perfectly!
It's really so hard for me to process thoughts that are cohesive and make my memories come to life within this blog. So much of my life has happened before and with Grandma Ruby. She knows my life story better than I do. Better than my own momma even...
My mom was a very, very young mother. When I look back at how hard it must have been to be a sixteen year old mom, I'm amazed at her ability to parent, provide, love, and stay sane all at the same time!
^^^ Momma at the sweet age of 16. She's gorgeous :)
My mom and my biological father, Mark, were obviously too young for true love, and fought often going through a long cycle of being together-breaking up-us living with Grandma-to going back to Mark. This happened for about four years (hence the arrival of Stephanie!). During this cycle, we would obviously spend a lot of time with Grandma. She babysat me. We lived with her. She helped raise me. I know that from the beginning of my life until at least first grade my momma and me (and Steph once she was born) lived at Grandma Ruby's house quite often.
Later in life my mom met who I call dad. His name is Tak and he was and still is everything a dad should be. He might not be my biological father, but after he and momma married when I was in third grade, he's always been dad. We lived in town from first through fifth grade. In sixth grade we moved back in with Grandma Ruby to accomplish several things: 1) We needed to save money to build a house on the land that was shared with Grandma, 2) We needed to put mom through respiratory therapy school (mom dropped out of high school and got her GED. She worked most of my adolescent life at Dillard's and later went back to school. Go mom!), and 3) We needed to build said house.
The house building process took some time, and from blueprints to pouring foundation to moving in, we were at Grandma Ruby's house for about three years!
I have SO SO SO many memories of that time! Things like crafting in the north room, and wishing I could drink coffee like Grandma Ruby (but we couldn't cause we were kids and it would "stunt your growth"), and playing school and house with Stephanie, and sleeping with the windows open, and Grandma's God-awful salmon patties, and water coloring, and her VHS collection of castle documentaries!, and the constant manner reminders: "No running in the house. Keep your shoulders back. Yes ma'am. MAY I have this and MAY I do that..."
On cold winter days while we got ready to wait on the school bus, Grandma Ruby would cook us oatmeal for breakfast because it would "stick to our lungs and keep us warm!"
When we had a cold she stuck to her old home remedies that her mother and father made for her when she was a little girl. A hot toddy with whiskey base, a whole lotta lemon juice and honey, stirred with a giant peppermint stick. Oh it was a good thing to feel bad at Grandma Ruby's ;)
If we scraped our legs up playing outside she stuck to her Mother Nature remedies...a lively aloe vera plant that sat right next to the front door on the front porch. She would tear off a small piece, push the juice to the top, and smear it on our scrape.
As we grew older, it became more apparent that living with your grandmother in a small three bedroom house wasn't the norm. I can recall the very first time I realized that we did not live a privileged life.
I was in Mrs. Mebane's sixth grade English class and the assignment was to describe your dream room. Naturally, I began with NOT sharing a room with my bratty little sister. Then I wanted my walls painted orange with purple trim. I described how I would rearrange the furniture and accurately depicted how each of the four walls would look in my new, dream room.
When we had to read our compositions out loud to the class I began to get embarrassed. I was listening to my classmates describe their dream rooms with swimming pools and trampolines and dirt bike trails and giant closets...and I just wanted four newly painted walls.
I can remember being such a stinking little brat and being genuinely embarrassed when Grandma Ruby picked us up from school in her old old old car. I can also remember being embarrassed that we had to ride the bus too. {see, bratty little girls, I tell ya!}
But on the flip side to that, when we had a school project, me and Stephs kicked ass because we always had the supplies and creativity that far surpassed our classmates!
When I look back on these memories I don't ever, not for one second, wish I had lived a privileged life. It WAS a privileged life. We weren't rich. Still aren't. But Grandma Ruby and my mom instilled in us a tremendous set of values that cannot be bought. We learned to be independent thinkers, kind givers, do-gooders, and creative makers.
I spent the day with Grandma Ruby today. It was a beautiful day. The house was full of her children and grandchildren, one of who flew all the way from Nebraska to see her! It was not sad but it was hard. It's hard to see someone you love hurt so much.
Grandma says it's time, and while that time did not come today, it will undoubtedly come. And I can picture her, arriving in heaven, hugging Uncle Joe soooo tight, then turning to Papa Pete and saying, "Pete, remove your hat in this house."
xoxo
^^^ me and grandma at mom & Marks wedding...
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